Episode Title: "The Replacements"
Episode Grade: D+
How much stupidity are we supposed to accept in American Horror Story?
There were a number of moments during tonight's episode that could have prompted that question. It might have been the moment when Gabourey Sidibe masturbated in an effort to seduce a minotaur. It might have been the moment when Zoe dropped off the confused, utterly silent, stitched-together remnants of Kyle at his mother's house, rang the doorbell, then ran away. Or it might have been the moment when Madison allowed Fiona to slash her throat because she had absolutely no sense that the evil, scheming supreme witch obsessed with protecting her power and youth hadn't suddenly become friendly and mentoring.
It was moment two, in case you're curious.
The question that starts this review isn't rhetorical. One comes into an AHS season expecting a healthy amount of crazy, and that's fair enough. But there's a difference between "crazy" and "stupid." Odd as it might sound, characters can behave rationally in a show luxuriating in craziness. And crazy can be fun.
Stupidity, however, which is what "The Replacements" luxuriates in, is not rational or fun. It's just a plot bouncing from random bit of creepiness to random bit of creepiness, pointing at the weirdness and saying, "Hey, this is some crazy shit, right?"
There's the glimmer of some interesting themes in "The Replacements," which is a rather on-the-nose title. The A-plot here is Fiona's realization that Madison is going to become the new supreme, as evidenced by her sudden ability to set things on fire with her mind. The supreme succession works by draining the current supreme's power and giving it to the up-and-comer (a fact that is revealed in a painfully written, cringe-worthy flashback at the beginning of the episode), which explains the decline of Fiona's health.
The saving graces of "Boy Parts" were the scenes where Jessica Lange interacted with Kathy Bates and Angela Bassett. This week, she spends most of her time with Emma Roberts, which is...less compelling.
That Madison isn't particularly bright is believable, though the show goes entirely too far in making her out to be a bitch. It's less believable that she would wholeheartedly embrace Fiona's sudden interest in her new powers. Madison doesn't like anybody, and she sees nothing suspicious in this horrible woman's new-found friendship?
This all ends in a fairly predictable fashion, as Fiona betrays Madison in the same way she betrayed her own mentor, the previous supreme: with the aforementioned throat slash. Death in this series seems a somewhat temporary phenomenon, what with the presence of Lily Rabe's resurrection ability and a voodoo priestess with the ability to create zombies living right down the street, so we'll see if Madison returns at some point.
Again, you can see a reluctant idea peeking its tiny little head around the corner through all this nonsense. Fiona's position as supreme is tied tightly to her power and to her beauty; the fear of replacement is very much the fear of death, and this gets to larger questions as to how society so readily disposes of women once they pass their physical primes.
Our B-plot this week is once again FrankenKyle (yes, I know "Frankenstein" was the name of the doctor, I've played Trivial Pursuit too), and it's notable for two things: first, actually making me exclaim, "Jesus Christ" in reaction to Zoe's abject stupidity, and, second, incest.
After Zoe retrieves Kyle from a delightfully creepy Lily Rabe (who still loves her Fleetwood Mac), she makes the baffling decision to bring him back to his mother, who she met earlier in the day. She does this, as I mentioned earlier, by leaving Kyle at the doorstep and running away after ringing the doorbell.
When you're delivering a dead boy to his mother, it's best not to take the flaming bag of poo approach to the handover.
Kyle's mom oscillates between baffling obliviousness (it takes her quite a while to ask Kyle why he won't talk) and suspicion (she can tell his body isn't his body because...well, she's been having sex with him for a loooong time). It's hard to see what exactly the incest revelation adds to this particular story, aside from allowing us to say, "Yeah, I get it" when Kyle responds to his mother's last advance by bashing her head in with a trophy.
Three data points does not make a trend, a fact that I learned in grad school and which directly contradicted what I learned in journalism school. So it's probably premature to start complaining about the apparent rapid decline in quality of this season's episodes.
Still, we've gone from a solid premiere to a flawed second episode to a thoroughly asinine third offering. That's discouraging, if nothing else. And if Coven can't stumble onto the distinction between stupid and crazy, it's going to be a long season.
Notes
- Another reason I'm suspicious of Madison's death: IMDB says Emma Roberts is around for 13 episodes.
- Oh, right the minotaur. It comes hunting for Kathy Bates, and Sidibe draws it away with a bit of Bates' blood. She leads it to a secluded spot, and for some ungodly reason starts trying to seduce it (something about both being called beasts, which is unfair to Sidibe's character, but, you know, does seem like a fair label for the half-bull, half-man creature). And, yes, this includes masturbation. This apparently works, but the scene ends with Bull Man grabbing Sidibe's neck. Based on the previews for next week's episode, that ends poorly, though I wonder how Sidibe's "human voodoo doll" powers play into the equation.
- Sarah Paulson rounds out the plot happenings by visiting Angela Bassett, whose screen time is depressingly short. Paulson wants a fertility rite, Bassett won't give it to her, and that's that.
- Bassett's raw contempt for Paulson is pretty awesome, at least.
- Not much work for Bates either, unfortunately. She does get a funny reaction to seeing Barack Obama on TV for the first time. Obvious and predictable, but funny.
- Fiona "hates a racist," which is an oddly noble character trait for someone of her ruthlessness and brutality. She also voted for Obama twice, which you can probably expect to see mentioned on the Republican National Committee's Twitter feed at some point.
- "I've led a disreputable life, but I did it in style."
- Rabe keeps going on about Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nicks to FrankenKyle, who is utterly dead-eyed in response. I'm with you, buddy.
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